can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
