I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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