I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize