Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
