Please, let me fuck your mom
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
