I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
