4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
