Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize