I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
