Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
