Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
