I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
