"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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