New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
