dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
