Just fell off a train. Bad.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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