Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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