So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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