May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
