hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
