i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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