i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Tell her she can't have a vagina
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
