This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
