My friends, they love my intelligence
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
