Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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