who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
