I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
