there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
