Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
