you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
