I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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