'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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