Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
did you just send me my own nude
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
