Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
