At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
