oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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