Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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