You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
