there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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