Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
