Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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