There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
