I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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