You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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