We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize