using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize