not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
