he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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