Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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