I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
