1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
