wrigley field is MILF paradise
Betty ford says i'm here all night
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize