I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
