Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
