He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
