who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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