she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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