Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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