I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
