like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so let's talk penis.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
