This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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