i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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