I accidentally had phone sex last night
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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