I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
