either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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