You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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