So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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