just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
whose parrot is this?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
