finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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