I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
