so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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